Ortlund on Marriage

Valentine's Day puts me off because of what is done with it.  The world around us does not know what love is and so many of the attempts are sad and tragic.

However, the love between a husband and wife is a beautiful thing, supposed to mirror the love of Christ for His Church.  Ray Ortlund has spoken powerfully to this in a recent post which I have pasted in here in full.  This is a good word for husbands and wives.  I am blessed to have a wife who does as Ortlund describes and "breathes life into her man."

"Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

God made Adam first and put him in the Garden with a job to do, a mission to fulfill. In the heart of every fallen man is the self-doubt that wonders, “Am I man enough to climb this mountain God has called me to? Can I fulfill my destiny?” A wise wife will understand that question at the center of her husband’s heart. And she will spend her life answering it, communicating to him in various ways, “Honey, I believe in your call. I know you can do this, by God’s power. Go for it.” In this way, she will breathe life into her man.

God made Eve from Adam, for Adam, to help him follow the call. In the heart of every fallen woman is the self-doubt that wonders, “Do I please you? Am I what you wanted?” A wise husband will understand that question at the center of his wife’s heart. And he will spend his life answering it, communicating to her in various ways, “Darling, you are the one I need. I cherish you. Let me hold you close.” In this way, he will breathe life into his wife.

Interview with John Thornbury

Recently I had the privilege of talking for a while with John Thornbury who recently retired from his church, Winfield Baptist, after pastoring there for over 40 years. He has also written several books. I was struck by the amount of wisdom and experience he has to offer to the rest of us, particularly as a man who has faithfully labored in one place for more than four decades weathering the ups and downs and seeing God build His church.

He graciously agreed to answer a few questions for me to post here. I was particularly struck by his comment, “Growing in the Lord means growing in love for his sheep”. I hope this is an encouragement and help to you as well.

1. What advice would you give to a younger pastor beginning ministry at a new church? Any warnings or particular encouragements about how he begins?
Candidates for pastoral ministry need to be aware up front that "the churches are not into you." They perceive that the pastor is there to minister to them, to nurture, care for and bless them. This seems selfish and is I guess. I believe, however, that with time they will come to appreciate a true shepherd and will begin to seek to return the caring and loving relationship. Particular advice: respect has to be earned, it cannot be demanded immediately. Many people are suspicious of preachers, due in part to the bad reputation some have projected to the public.

2. I have heard you talk about key problems which can “torpedo” a man’s ministry. Can you list those and discuss them, explaining why they are key problems and how we can avoid them?
Problems that torpedo a pastoral position.
1. Greed. The pastor must beware of appearing to preach for money. A contract and understanding should be worked out with the church before he accepts the position so he does not have to rattle the cup after getting into the office. A friend of mine once said, "You can live on what God provides for you."
2. Lust. No need to expand on this.
3. Ambition. The pastor must be able to look himself in the mirror without embarrassment. Sure, the goodwill of the people is necessary, but he must lovingly, but firmly stick by his convictions. If God has called him He will see the pastor through his difficulties. Craving to be popular is deadly.
4. Intellectualism. Beware of thinking that the only task of the preacher is to get up into a high tower and "hand down" the word a couple of times a week. He must be involved in people's lives: hospital, funeral, counseling. Young pastors tend not to have natural compassion, so they should pray for it. Growing in the Lord means growing in love for his sheep.

3. While in many circles we have reclaimed the importance of preaching, there seems to be a lack of awareness among some preachers of the importance of actually shepherding the flock. Could you speak to the importance of the “out of the pulpit” side of ministry, including visiting the sick, counseling, and personal conversations?
Of all the spiritual roles one can have, the PASTOR is the most like Christ. He is a shepherd. What does a shepherd do?
1Feeds the flock. Teaching the whole counsel of God, expounding the word from the pulpit.
2. Cares for the flock. When sheep get in the ditch, he must be there. He must learn to pull them out. As I heard a preacher say yesterday, “Sheep are ignorant, defenseless and dirty.” Jesus will help the pastor to learn to be there for them.
3. Protects the flock. Protects them from false doctrine, false teachers, and wolves that abound today.

4. What basic advice would you give on establishing long term patterns for faithful sermon preparation?
One of the greatest examples of a balanced minister, from a Reformed standpoint (He would not like this term) is Spencer H. Cone, pastor of First Baptist of New York early in the 19th century. He believed that preparation for the pulpit is a 24/7 business. It is not just poring over book, but he is preparing all the time. Wherever he is: observing the world around him, at athletic events, at the beach. He believed a true preacher should be able to preach at the drop of the hat. The preacher should be aware of the world around him, every field is important. Drink in life and draw illustrations from real life experiences. Summary: the preacher should read but be thinking and preparing ALL THE TIME.

5. Is there any other particular advice you would like to give?
1. Pick the right wife. A pastor's wife can make or break him. She should share the burden of ministry.
2. Put Christ in ever message. Take a text and sometime head with it to the cross. People need to hear about JESUS. "Sirs, we would see Jesus."
3. Avoid the Moses syndrome. I have come to the conclusion that Moses was rebuked by God and did not enter the promised land because he became angry and impatient with the people. I believe God was saying to him, "If I can put up with these people, you can." His smiting the rock instead of speaking to it showed his disgust.

Role of the Pastor's Wife

I have commented a number of times already on Kent & Barbara Hughes’ book, Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome. This time, I’ll point out that chapter 16 of that book, “How the Pastor’s Wife Can Help,” is probably the best brief piece I have ever seen on the role of the pastor’s wife. I often am asked for recommended writings on this topic, and this now tops my list. The chapter is written by Mrs. Hughes as she reflects on their years of ministry, particularly the moment when her husband felt crushed and ready to leave the pastorate.

Earlier in the book Kent related the incident fairly early in their marriage and ministry when he broke and finally blurted out to his wife, “God has called me to do something he hasn’t given me the gifts to accomplish. Therefore God is not good.” There in that moment a young wife was confronted with a broken man. Would she freak out, say this is not what she signed up for, flee in fear, or crush him in his moment of weakness? No. Kent’s account is marked with deep appreciation as he writes:

“… I was faltering. But I will never forget her kind and confident response. “I don’t know what you’re going to do. But for right now, for tonight, hang on to my faith. Because I believe. I believe that God is good. I believe that he loves us and is going to work through that experience. So hang on to my faith. I have enough for both of us.” (p. 23)

I get choked up even typing that because I have been the recipient of such love from my wife in a very different but just as debilitating circumstance. How many people have been blessed by the preaching and writing of Kent Hughes? Humanly speaking, he only persevered to become the pastor he was because of this ministry of his wife to him- a labor no one saw but many benefitted from.

Reflecting on this moment Mrs. Hughes writes:

Let me first say what I did not do. I did not attempt to mother Kent or give him pity. Neither did I attempt to come up with a scheme to make the church grow and thus save Kent’s ‘ministry’ and preserve God’s reputation. Certainly I was tender and sympathetic and participated in the problem-solving and creative thinking. But a wife who allows her husband to wallow in self-pity or attempts to take over and solve things more often contributes to her husband’s loss of self-respect, and even effects a subtle emasculation. (170)

There is so much wisdom and good advice here.

In a summary point she also writes:

“Here, above everything else, I discovered that a pastor’s wife is exactly that, a wife. … It startled and refreshed me to realize that Kent needed me as this. He didn’t need me to be his buddy, or his counselor, or even his co-pastor. He needed exactly what God had provided him with- a wife. (168)

The beauty and simplicity of wisdom!

This is a great resource that I recommend passing on to every pastor’s wife to encourage and help her.

Caring for Pastors’ Wives

Here is a great post on the great amount of work pastors’ wives do and suggestions on how church members can aid them. This guy knows what he talking about! A number of people in our church have done several of the things listed here for my wife and it has been a great blessing.

This is a good one to pass around.

(HT: JT)