Ortlund on Marriage

Valentine's Day puts me off because of what is done with it.  The world around us does not know what love is and so many of the attempts are sad and tragic.

However, the love between a husband and wife is a beautiful thing, supposed to mirror the love of Christ for His Church.  Ray Ortlund has spoken powerfully to this in a recent post which I have pasted in here in full.  This is a good word for husbands and wives.  I am blessed to have a wife who does as Ortlund describes and "breathes life into her man."

"Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

God made Adam first and put him in the Garden with a job to do, a mission to fulfill. In the heart of every fallen man is the self-doubt that wonders, “Am I man enough to climb this mountain God has called me to? Can I fulfill my destiny?” A wise wife will understand that question at the center of her husband’s heart. And she will spend her life answering it, communicating to him in various ways, “Honey, I believe in your call. I know you can do this, by God’s power. Go for it.” In this way, she will breathe life into her man.

God made Eve from Adam, for Adam, to help him follow the call. In the heart of every fallen woman is the self-doubt that wonders, “Do I please you? Am I what you wanted?” A wise husband will understand that question at the center of his wife’s heart. And he will spend his life answering it, communicating to her in various ways, “Darling, you are the one I need. I cherish you. Let me hold you close.” In this way, he will breathe life into his wife.

E. V. Hill, His Wife's Funeral

As part of the pastoral labor my wife and I do a fair bit of pre-marital counseling. As we were doing some more of such counseling this Fall I remembered hearing, while in college, a recording of Pastor E. V. Hill preaching his wife’s funeral. It was a powerful sermon filled with insight and anecdotal wisdom on marriage and parenting. Since I have lost the tape I had of the sermon I searched youtube and was delighted to find that the sermon is available there. It is found in two parts and is well worth listening to.

The sermon was preached in 1987 and is titled “My Wife’s Death in Biblical Perspective.” His text was Job 1:21, “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Throughout the sermon he refers to his wife with the name he called her, “Baby.” He explains at the beginning of the sermon that he did not choose to preach her funeral to display special strength; rather, he said, “I stand fulfilling a task my member asked of me.” His wife, one of his church members, asked him to preach her funeral so he did so.

The first part of the sermon (all of part 1 and into part 2) Hill expounds “The Lord giveth” in reference to his wife as a gift from God. He said, “In my wife He gave a great gift.” Along the way he acknowledged the labors of his wife’s parents in raising a godly pure woman. In this section he digresses to talk about parents’ (especially fathers’) roles in selecting spouses for their children (about 2:55-6:50 in part 1). The story of him turning away from his door a young man who had come to see his daughter is classic. It is a good example of fathering well and is humorously told. Hill told the congregation plainly, “some of these relationships have to be broken up!” This was no passive fathering! He also said, “You can’t get no race horses out of mules!” He goes on to encourage male headship and to extol the femininity of his wife.

At the end of Part 1 and beginning of Part 2 (you can just pick up at the beginning of Part 2) he tells a couple of stories to illustrate his statement, “She was my protector.” These stories move me even as I listen to them for the 50th time. He tells about a time when he took on a business venture that she had warned against and then he lost a large sum of money in it. She did not berate him or hold it over his head. Rather, in a very touching way she extolled his virtues rather than his failings. At another time when they did not have enough money she did not complain but tried to obscure the fact that their lights had been cut off by setting up a candle light dinner. Of these instances he stated: “She could have broken me at that point. … she could have broken my spirit … and demoralized me.” But instead she supported him and believed in him. There is also the story of how she sought to protect him from a death threat by placing herself in the way (you’ll have to listen to it).

Lastly, he takes up “the Lord taketh away” (about 4:30 in Part 2) making the important point that a sign of Christian maturity is being able to say “Blessed be the name of the Lord” not only when the Lord gives but also when He takes away. This is such an important point. Then as he repeatedly shouts “Blessed,” it seems to me that he is right there practicing what he is preaching, blessing the Lord in that moment acknowledging that the Lord had indeed taken away the wonderful gift He had given in Mrs. Hill. The sermon closes in a moving anticipation of heaven.

I could listen to this sermon over and over. It means a lot to me for various reasons not least because I have been blessed with a wife who has supported me in similar ways. This model and message needs to be shared. So I encourage you to listen to this sermon and pass it along to others.

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart, Review

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart , John Ensor
(Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2007), pb., 160 pp.

I just finished reading this great book, and our church is working on getting copies for our book table at church. I have seen Ensor’s first book but have not been able to read it yet. Now, I am keen to do so, because he really has a way with words and he uses them to communicate sound truths.

This book deals with the issue of male/female relationships. It seems to me that the first audience in view is singles and the secondary audience is married people. Both groups can benefit from this book. Ensor writes with conviction and passion, frank and to the point. He does not pull any punches. He speaks out of the experiences of ministry leading a crisis pregnancy center. I found myself thinking, “I like this guy!” This is a book to have on hand to give away because it could be of great help to people in a number of situations.

Here are some quotes to illustrate some of his points as well as his style.

“It is one thing to act foolishly – to be a simpleton – when buying a used car. It is another when it comes to matters of the heart. The stakes are infinitely higher. Failure here means weeping into tear-stained pillows through sleepless nights. It means hot flashes of shame. It means spiritual incapacitation when it comes to things like prayer and worship.” (p. 12)

“I have talked to teens who, unfortunately, listened attentively in their sex education classes and now in their twenties, sit astonished in the discovery that there is no condom for the heart!” (p. 19)

“Hormones and oxytocin bond us to those with whom we share a bed, but what it means to love beyond merely making love does not come from chemistry; it comes from theology. It comes from parenting. It comes by learning.” (p. 44)

“Models of good marriages are books in clothes. The church was my library.” (p. 58)

“Women lack confidence in their desire to be a wife and mother. It is acceptable as a side dish, but should it be the main dish, something must be wrong with them. Men who want to do the right thing toward women are now unsure if it is okay even to open a car door for them.” (p. 59)